Renfield's ten-year-old nephew, John-John, is a horror film fan...only, his parents don't want John-John watching scary movies. So John-John occasionally sneaks downstairs when his parents are gone and watches Uncle Renfield's videos. John-John tends to pick the more, ummm, esoteric titles from Uncle Renfield's collection. (You've been warned!) John-John figures if Uncle Renfield can write movie reviews, anyone can, so herein we present:
TWISTED BRAIN (1974). I like some anime, you know, cool stuff like Dragon Ball Z, and Tenchi Muyo, and Trigun, but the kid stuff anime just reeks. Like that stupid anime, Hamtaro, that’s about this dumb little girl’s hamster who sneaks out of its cage and joins its hamster friends and go out together and do the lamest stuff I ever saw. All the girls in class used to love that dopey Hamtaro and they even convinced our teacher, Ms. Fridley, to have a hamster in class that the girls called Hamtaro, of course, only he didn’t sneak out of his cage, he just pooped in it and we had to clean it all the time. Old Hamtaro did the right thing, though, and dropped dead and the girls had this stupid funeral for it…anyway, Uncle Renfield mentioned this flick one time about a monster hamster that wasn’t wimpy like Hamtaro at all, and one night after Mom and Dad finally turned off the light in their bedroom, I sneaked downstairs and popped this video into the VCR and watched it. For once, Uncle Renfield wasn’t making stuff up. This movie is about this geeky kid who’s good in science, so he makes some stuff that he feeds his hamster (he calls the hamster "Mr. Mumps," what a crappy name!) and the hamster grows real big and mean, probably because his name is Mr. Mumps. Well, the geeky kid’s picked on by his teachers and the other kids and even the janitor and he doesn’t get along with his Dad, and his only friend, this girl, can’t help him with that problem at all, so he uses that stuff on himself and becomes a psycho monster that drools a lot and slashes and hacks everyone who picked on him. That’s a cool idea if you think about it. So anyway, it’s got some great gore scenes with body parts being lopped off with paper cutters and bodies thrown into acid and stuff and it doesn’t get boring and it kind of feels like it was made by someone who knew what they were doing even though you can tell it was made pretty cheap. But they didn’t get cheap on the blood and gore, and that’s what counts. So I really liked this movie and it got me to thinking how cool it would have been if we guys at school could have whipped up some of that stuff and made our class hamster into a monster! On the other hand, if we really could of done that, cleaning up his cage afterward probably would have been even worse. Anyway, see this movie if you can, especially if you’ve ever had to watch that lame Hamtaro. As surely as spiders eat flies and Renfield eats spiders, John-John, despite his parents and baby-sitters, will watch more "classics" from his Uncle Renfield's collection. Check back each month for more of John-John's reviews! By the way...there's a whole heap of John-John's earlier video reviews on his "Archives" page--enjoy!
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