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Finding your favorite fright films on video
can be a scary experience. For those who are willing to haunt their favorite video store
and brave the mail-order jungle, here's a few tips for...
You’ve finally gotten that
tape of a cult/classic horror film you’ve been wanting to watch for ages…a
classic like Strangler Of The Swamp, or a shlocker like Attack Of The 50-Foot
Woman, or sleazy fun like The Brain That Wouldn’t Die. You paid a pretty
penny for it, but it’s worth it! So, you pop in the tape, sit back with some buttered
popcorn, and…
Oh no! The screen looks like
someone sneezed on it! The picture is just godawful…murky, faded, lousy contrasts, no
mid-tones, etc., etc. You can watch it, but you can’t enjoy it. And you paid $20
for this mess! Worse, since there are no "mechanical" faults, such as
tracking noise, you know you can’t return it. You are, as they say, stuck.
Does this sound familiar? Well,
you’re not alone. Old Renfield has experienced this sad scenario more times than
he’d like to remember. How do you avoid this? Well, there’s no foolproof method,
but there are a few precautions and caveats to take under consideration.
| DVD
UPDATE
Originally, this
column dealt with videotapes, since it was originally published in
1997. Now DVDs are rapidly replacing videotapes on store
shelves and in consumers' homes. In one way, DVDs eliminate
some of the problems associated with videotapes, such as flutter,
stuck reels, etc. As a result, some folks are overly
trusting when they purchase a DVD. This is wrong.
DVDs actually
have two major problems. First, if too much data (such as
two movies on one DVD "side") is crammed into a DVD, you
can have "pixel-ation" (the "flaky" breakup of
the screen image), along with scene skips and even total failure.
Total failure usually occurs on the lower-priced DVD players.
Second, if the source film for the DVD is dodgy, the DVD image
will be dodgy as well--in fact it will be more dodgy since
the DVD format is so crystal clear and thus displays film flaws
better than videotape. So you can end up with a DVD that
shows a lousy image and "pixel-ates" and skips
scenes...you get the idea. Thus, with DVDs as well as with
videotapes, you must deal with a seller who has a fair
"returns" policy. If a retailer won't allow you to
return a DVD for a cash refund and/or another DVD if the original
DVD's packaging is opened, don't buy from them. Period.
Remember: DVD is
not a guarantee of superior video quality, or even of acceptable
video quality. |
1. Standard Play (SP), Long Play
(LP), Extended Play (EP). Two little letters that can drastically affect your video
viewing pleasure. To save a few bucks, some pinch-penny firms issue factory pre-records in
LP or, even worse, EP format. Video quality suffers measurably, and the tape’s
longevity is decreased, in LP and EP format. Unfortunately, this inferior fare is found
not through fly-by-night video hawkers, but, instead, at your local video store, often in
attractive video display boxes. Renfield’s Rule # 101 is: Avoid LP/EP tapes,
period! (The only exceptions would be such tapes recorded in digitized format—the
quality is a bit better—and if there’s no other format of the film available
(this is rare). Even then, prepare for disappointment.)
Always look carefully on the video
packaging for format information. If there is no such information on the packaging,
perform the "scale" test—hold a studio factory pre-record that’s
undoubtedly SP format in one hand, and hold the suspect tape in the other. Compare their
weights. If the suspect tape is considerably lighter, it’s likely LP/EP. If
you’re not sure, take the tape to the counter and tell the clerk you’re willing
to buy the tape if it is SP format. The clerk should be willing to open the packaging and
examine the tape. If he or she is not, don’t buy the tape.
(One former indication of EP/LP
format was price—was, that is. Price discounts have brought quality studio
pre-records under $10, and some EP/LP tapes are priced over $10. By the way, don’t
pass the "Bargain Bins" by…some top-quality tapes can be found there these
days, including some horror classics.)
2. SP tapes with rotten transfers.
This is a tougher conundrum, since these usually come from independent tape sellers
(dubbers) who genuinely use quality videotape and SP format. The problem is, even these
factors can’t help a bad transfer from a shoddy source. How can you guard against
this?
First of all, check to see if the
dubber’s catalog provides a description of the quality of the transfer. More and more
firms are doing this, and all should provide quality information on their video transfers.
If they don’t, ask! All the firms have a web site, or e-mail, or phone numbers, or
FAX numbers. At the very least, use snail mail…a first-class stamp is a wise
investment to avoid disappointment with a $20 to $25 tape. Most of the firms are run by
knowledgeable, enthusiastic folks who love to talk about their stock.
Secondly, check out video source
information, such as our own "Video
Sources" section, "Video
Watchdog," and other such
consumer information outlets. And if you have had a good—or bad—experience with
a dubber or retailer, tell us and the other "watchdogs" about it.
Finally, if you really feel you
didn’t get value for money with a dubber or retail firm, let them know. Most
businesses want repeat business—and will often work with dissatisfied customers to
resolve complaints.
Nota bene: Some transfer are
less than optimum because, simply, that’s just the best transfer of that film
available. However, a firm should be upfront with such information and provide either free
or at least low-cost upgrades when a better transfer source becomes available.
CONRAD'S VIDEO
TIPS
(The following list of tips for
video dealers and traders are courtesy of Conrad P. Felber. They are so well put and
reasonable that they proved a natural appendix to this article. Take it away, Conrad:)
I have been inspired to write this
after having a few minor problems recently with a tape-trader or two out there (I will
spare their feelings and keep them nameless). For all of the many tape-trading veterans,
feel free to skip this. For those of you new to the hobby, I have put together a list of
helpful tips you may or may not wish to consider. Here goes.
(1) First and perhaps most
important -- SP, SP, SP! I still receive the odd disappointing videotape which, when I put
in the ol' VCR, is revealed to have been recorded in LP, or -- even worse -- EP! If the
program in question can't fit on a T-120 in the standard two-hour SP recording mode, use a
T-160 if need be, or use TWO tapes (a la the Titanic screener currently floating around).
Avoid T-180s and T-200s, as they are prone to breakdown. The"'middle" LP mode
should only be used as a last resort, and only if pre-approved by your trade contact. EP
should be avoided at ALL costs. Some people might still be a bit confused by the acronyms.
Just know this: SP = Good. EP = Bad.
(2) Use name-brand tapes! Some will
argue about the various merits of the brands which are available for purchase, but if you
stick to a name brand (e.g. Sony, Maxell, BASF, Fuji, Kodak, Memorex) you usually can't go
wrong, especially if you go with high grade tapes if and when possible. A word of warning
regarding TDK tapes -- they now put them together with some sort of rivet (instead of the
traditional screw), which means these tapes are now next to impossible to repair, should
the need arise. For that reason alone, I now avoid buying TDK and I prefer not to receive
them in a trade.
(3) Almost as important as
name-brand tapes is.... FRESH name-brand tapes! Please, folks -- don't pawn off your old,
used, wrinkled tapes on your unsuspecting trade contacts. We've all got tapes we've used
over and over (and over!) again... these should be eventually discarded, and not dumped
off on others. And be sure to include the original tape sleeves and stickers!
(4) Don't make promises you can't
keep. Don't tell a contact you'll have their tapes in the mail on Friday if you already
know you won't even have the tapes DONE by Friday. If you make a specific delivery
promise, be sure to stick to it. Of course, if a genuine unforeseen problem happens to pop
up, be candid about that too. With any luck, your trade contact will be patient and
understanding. Well, OK, they probably won't be, but lying about your difficulties won't
help matters either. Which brings me to my next point:
(5) Be honest! If your own master
tape of "Godzilla Vs. Jackie Chan" is a blurry, smeary, inaudible fifth or sixth
generation mess of a copy, be sure to bite the bullet and say so right up front. It will
save you a lot of headaches later on (e.g., avoiding tapes getting sent back to you, flame
mail, demands for refunds, etc.). On the other hand, if you happen to have
excellent-quality originals (e.g. LaserDiscs and/or 1st-generation originals), be sure to
mention that too.
(6) To save us all a lot of time
& trouble, please -- EDIT your trade lists. Pare them down to the bone. Leave out all
of the junk that is fairly easy to get off TV or at a typical Blockbuster rental store,
and just leave in all of the harder-to-find items. Also, supply details about your trade
items (e.g. "letterboxed screener," "restored Director's Cut" or
"variant workprint edition").
(7) Finally, if you happen to be an
American (and most of you are), and you don't wanna bother with "non-domestic"
traders (i.e. foreigners) due to the additional expense & trouble involved (e.g.
customs), then say so. Believe it or not, but many potential tape sources DON'T live in
the States (including yours truly). Yes, postage to Japan or wherever is a bit more
expensive than postage to Alabama, but you may find that sometimes the trade can be worth
the extra time, trouble, and $$$. Of course, this is something you will have to decide on
your own. Just please think about it before you dismiss the rest of the world, OK? Thanks.
Always add at least 30 seconds
(most prefer a full minute) of blank (recorded) tape, in SP, at the start of each
cassette. This helps to avoid the main "feature" on the tape from having
drop-outs and tape creases, since the start of most cassettes is where tape damage
inevitably takes place (especially with modern high-speed tape rewinders and the like).
Also, I think you should be careful about making a large number of tape trades all at once
with a lot of different contacts...you want to avoid getting backlogged and getting
"flamed" in the newsgroups about getting backlogged. Tape-traders should always
be as honest as possible about their ability (or lack thereof!) to fulfill their trade
obligations. They often aren't, but darn it, they should be!I |
So, follow these precautions, stand up for
your rights, and enjoy building your very own Video Vault!
Article copyright © Joe
"Renfield" Meadows and Conrad Felber
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